Wow! Can you beleive Christmas is just days away? This year has been moving way too fast for me. I feel like I am not able to keep up with things lately. I used to be so organized and up to par but lately I have been slipping in so many ways. Life has been hard lately, actually thats an understatement...life has been unbearable. I seem to keep bearing it though. Each day I lean more about the past and keep uncovering and unraveling the things in life I thought I knew only to find I was in complete darkness. I would never wish anyone to be here in my shoes because it is difficult. I think it is like being in the ocean and your having fun in the waves till one pulls you under, you gasp for air and try to get back to the surface but no matter how hard you try your being pulled down farther. I am trying to get back up and am gasping for air. I have not given up. I have been learning alot about God these past few weeks. I knew alot about God or so I thought anyway. I know lots of stories about God etc but I am now just learning how to cultivate a relationship. I learned alot about this rom Lillie's school play. She did a great job in it too! God does bring storms to us but we need the water to grow. There would not be much point in sewing the seeds if we never watered them. Of course we must weed and watch for the crows or the crops can be destroyed. What a powerful leasson to learn. I guess God knew i did not have a handle or that and needed a new avenue to learn more. If you ever heed any advice I would share it would be to learn all you can about God...his love and his power with free will because if you don't he will find ways to help you get there and the lesson may be tough. Its so much better to take the first initiative.
This weekend was fun. We took the kids to Christmas Village. Lillie beleives this is the real North Pole. She did great with Santa this year. She only asked him for one thing and that was a set of blocks for her brother. She made her own list the other night but she told me the thing she wants most this year Santa would never be able to give. I asked her what it was. She said that she wanted daddy to get out of his big sin, for mommy to learn to forgive and for us to be able to kiss under the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. Wow! She can see so much can't she? Well i told her she was right that Santa could not fill her request but I told her that God could, so we prayed to him that night and asked for just that.
