Christmas Week

Wow! Can you beleive Christmas is just days away? This year has been moving way too fast for me. I feel like I am not able to keep up with things lately. I used to be so organized and up to par but lately I have been slipping in so many ways. Life has been hard lately, actually thats an understatement...life has been unbearable. I seem to keep bearing it though. Each day I lean more about the past and keep uncovering and unraveling the things in life I thought I knew only to find I was in complete darkness. I would never wish anyone to be here in my shoes because it is difficult. I think it is like being in the ocean and your having fun in the waves till one pulls you under, you gasp for air and try to get back to the surface but no matter how hard you try your being pulled down farther. I am trying to get back up and am gasping for air. I have not given up. I have been learning alot about God these past few weeks. I knew alot about God or so I thought anyway. I know lots of stories about God etc but I am now just learning how to cultivate a relationship. I learned alot about this rom Lillie's school play. She did a great job in it too! God does bring storms to us but we need the water to grow. There would not be much point in sewing the seeds if we never watered them. Of course we must weed and watch for the crows or the crops can be destroyed. What a powerful leasson to learn. I guess God knew i did not have a handle or that and needed a new avenue to learn more. If you ever heed any advice I would share it would be to learn all you can about God...his love and his power with free will because if you don't he will find ways to help you get there and the lesson may be tough. Its so much better to take the first initiative.

This weekend was fun. We took the kids to Christmas Village. Lillie beleives this is the real North Pole. She did great with Santa this year. She only asked him for one thing and that was a set of blocks for her brother. She made her own list the other night but she told me the thing she wants most this year Santa would never be able to give. I asked her what it was. She said that she wanted daddy to get out of his big sin, for mommy to learn to forgive and for us to be able to kiss under the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. Wow! She can see so much can't she? Well i told her she was right that Santa could not fill her request but I told her that God could, so we prayed to him that night and asked for just that.

Christmas

Wow, can yo beleive Christmas is almost here? I have so much to do and so little time. I honestly use to be so on the ball with this stuff but each year it seems I fall a little shorter than the year before. Fortunately I still seem to manage well enough that no one really notices.

Lillie has her big play at school this weekend. Sh ehas been practicing for months now and is so excited but also nervous. She does three shows so we hope ater the first she still wants to do the other two....especially since her family is coming ot the second show.

I know many of you were concerned after reading my prior post. I am not going to get into the details and messyness of my life right now. Just know that I have Gods grace and love. Things are so not easy for me right now. I have been betrayed in my marriage and this is the second time. It is not easy. I have a broken heart and lots and lots of fears. I can honestly tell you though that I know this was not my fault! I can also tell you that the man that did this is not the man I am married to today. I just leanred this but it was a past offense. New to me, yes; but dead to him. I have a broken heart but God can do wonders with the puzzle if I am willing to give him all the pieces. That is where I am today and I need to be able to give them all to him. I am still looking at some of the pieces and trying to figure out the picture and make sense of it, but does it even really matter? I will be ok:) It will take me time though.

Keep me and my family in your prayers. Prayers for re-building, openess and honesty and most of all for Gods grace to shine on us all!

Down and Out

So I am sure many of you have noticed I have been writing less these days. Its not that I don't want to rather I am having trouble focusing. Did you ever have something really bad happen to you in your life? Your glad when it's over and then you think maybe you will never experience anything like it again? You already had your share of pain and as much as God knew you could bare? I thought that too until the day before Thanksgiving. I will not enlighten you of the details because you are better off not knowing. What I can say is that one of my biggest fears has come true and I am now broken. I have God's grace and am sure to be restored but not sure where to go from here. I have a long road ahead and nothing will be easy. Please keep me in your prayers and hearts and forgive me if I am just not with it these days.

A Weekend To Remember

I know many of you have already heard about A Weekend To Remember but for thos eof you who have not it is a weekend getaway for couples to learn about marriage ect. Dave and I were able to go this past weekend. We did not spend the night and we had to come home during the day to nurse Noah but it was so worth it. We had an amazing time. We learned so much more about marriage, Gods design for our lives and family, and tools to work on unresolved conflicts over the years. In our 20 years we have experienced just about everything you can imagine a marriage could...even the worst things that everyone hopes will never happen. We have always pushed through it and continued forward but have been broken in many ways. We have so much work to do to repair so much damage. We are not defeated though and this weekend has shown us the love and grace of the Lord that will allow us to forgive and deepen our love. We even renewed our vows which we had been wanting to do for sometime. It was amazing. If you have never gone I would defintitly suggest it!

Well we are now looking on to Thanksgiving. Lillie is so excited. She wants everyone to ocme to our house. We have a very modest size home so thats not always possible. We did however invite our parents and they all said they could come. How great is that? Dave is excited about making a turkey as he loves to cook and is so great at it. Lillie only has one more day of school and then she is off. She brought her report card home and made High Honor Roll. We are so excited that she is doing well in school and cares about her school work. In two weeks her big school play is here. She has been working so hard to get ready for it. She is not a main character but is in several songs so we are very excited for her.

I would like to wish you all a very Happy and Safe Thanksgiving.

The Fast Lane

I feel like life has been moving so fast lately and I am struggling to keep up. I have not had much time to write. I have a bunch of pictures I wanted to post and my camera is giving me a hard time. Hopefully I can add them soon.

Last weekend Lillie had her final swim class. There was a swim meet and she competed in two events. She earned a certificate and plaque. She did a really nice job. Lessons start again in February.

Last Sunday was Sesame Place. I was able to ride the roller coaster which was alot of fun. Noah met several of the characters and Lillie realized for the first time its people in suits. She is growing up. We had lots of fun.

Last Thursday we completed our signing class. I was glad to be done with the hectic schedule but will miss teaching. We had really great students that were so excited to learn making our job so easy for us.

Lillie has taken the bus to school in the am twice this week. With practice for the play she was not home last night till after 5pm so it seems she is not here much lately. Starting next Wed though she has a break for the holiday which will be enjoyed by all.

Another Busy Week

Well we have completed week #7 out of our 8 sign language classes. We really enjoy teaching them but I have to admit I am ready for the break. Tuesday Lillie had another school field trip to the Camden Aquarium. This time all of us went. It was so much fun for me and Noah to go. He seemed to enjoy seeing all the colors of fish and the big sharks swimming over our heads. Lillie loved being with all her friends and watching the penguins outside. It was a busy but fun adventure. Saturday we are going to Sesame Place for the day and then Sunday Lillie has her first swim meet at the YMCA. She is leary about wearing the required swimsuit so we will see how it turns out.

Last week Lillie did finally have her feeding eval at CHOP. They gave us some pointers and said we are on the right track. They said she could do well in the inpatient program but it turns out they do not take our health insurance! They think she can continue with us at home on a special food plan and then have some out patient OT and feeding therapy on a weekly basis. We plan to set that up soon. In two weeks we are back to upont for one last visit. Lilie has a skin pigmentation problem and it is really starting to affect her self-esteem. When she was small it looked like a small birthmark on her tummy about the size of a pea by the time she was three it resembled a handprint and now at 6 it bands around her entire tummy and back. We have seen several doctors for it but no one seems to know what it is or what to do about it. We now are going to the cream of the crop in hopes to get some answers. We were told it could be Vitiligo which is an auto-immune problem usually caused by a vitamin deficiancy. Hopefully we can get some answers this time.

Noah is doing great. He has been working on sitting up but still falls forward. He is babbling all the time and of course always smiling!